ALMOST 1 MONTH IN

It's obvious I am having commitment issues and therefore I cannot guarantee the frequency of my posts. I seriously have so much going on that it's ridiculous. Even though I might not be writing about it, I am still staying on plan. I find that my days off are more challenging than others. I like being at work, I guess being attached to a desk and phone has it's benefits...especially when I can see myself pleading temporary insanity when I run screaming from the building and I drive straight to In N Out. Food is an addiction for me, and most likely it always will be. The heroin addict in recovery probably thinks about a fix like 100 times a day. That's probably how often I think about Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins. Like the addict in recovery, I have a choice to make. I can go get my fix...I mean I can drive there and get a double ice cream cone and I'm pretty sure I could stop at that. Just like the heroin/crack/coke/meth user could go and get just one hit/fix...right? I mean I stopped once, I could totally do it again. The only problem with that is I don't want to disappoint myself. All of my hard work would be shattered in an instant...and that's not ok with me. I'm one month in and am starting to settle into a new "normal". I'm cooking at home 90% of the time, packing lunches and I always have nuts in my purse...lol. For anyone out there that might be reading this, please try...just try the Paleo diet. It's an incredibly simple concept....and here are my results so far:

Me Day 1.

Me after 3 weeks on the Paleo Challenge:

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Stay tuned...



2 weeks in

So I've got 2 weeks of Paleo eatin' under my belt...yep. So that's that. Maybe I built things up too much in my head, maybe I'm just feelin' a little cocky/confident. This isn't really that hard. Eat meat and vegetables. Ummm it couldn't get any easier. Well I say that now, but that's only because I have made sure to get into a routine of preparing and bringing my food to work. I'm sure if I didn't prepare, it would be a whole different ball game. I'm still a fast food junky, but now I only allow myself to go to 1 fast food place. Chipotle is my saving grace. I know that I can walk in there, make good choices and walk out satisfied. I used to order: Carnitas burrito, rice, sour cream, cheese, letttuce, pico, and chips and guac with a large coke. Now I order: Bowl: no rice, no beans, extra fajita veggies, double chicken, pico, guac on the side...Yummy! I don't really find myself second guessing my choices too much. I feel strong in my choices, in my thought process, and in my own skin. The results are amazing. One of the coaches says that the fat is just melting off of me. I used to have a VERY prominent tummy. I call it my kangaroo pouch. I had a "holy crap" moment when I put my workout pants on and noticed that something was missing. I'm super stoked on my progress so far...but I know it won't always be like this. I'm just taking it one choice at a time.

On another note, I can't stop talking about Crossfit. I will talk to anyone who will listen, even the random old man behind the counter at the comic store where I got my wonder woman shirt. I told him I was losing weight and I couldn't wait to fit into the shirt. He showed me his driver license photo showing he had lost 60 lbs. So I talked to him about Crossfit and the Masters program we have at the box. I even gave him the website to check out...actually I've given out the website like 5 or 6 times. Random. Join the revolution kids!

Back at it...

I've been kin of MIA on here for a couple of days. It's been super busy here at work. Ok so it's officially been a week. My headaches have stopped and I'm feeling more and more confident every day. I say that now, but I have had my weak moments. Believe me! I went and worked out on Monday night and added 10 lbs to my 5RM, but I could tell I wasn't performing well. The weight felt heavy and it shouldn't have. One of my coaches said that for the first week my performance might decrease, but then I will be out-performing myself in no time. She was right, my performance did decrease...to zero. I actually rolled my ankle on Monday after doing my squats and presses. I didn't even get to finish my WOD. I went over to my friend's parents house yesterday and she scenared my ankle. The improvement is amazing...I went from having a softball on the side of my ankle to being 90% in less than 12 hours. I'm still really sore from Mondays workout though, I hope it's not going to continue to take me this long to recover. That would suck.

Now on to this morning's challenge/thought of the day. I got to work and after being here for like half an hour, 2 dozen doughnuts were delivered. :::sigh::: My coworker told me she was leaving to get them so I prepared my breakfast in the mean time. I had 2 hard boiled eggs, 2 pieces of bacon and a turkey sausage patty that I had made from a recipe on Jessica's blog. I went and sat down right next to those doughnuts and ate my breakfast. It was hard, but I stopped a coworker that had been on the right track from making a bad decision so it was worth it. It just got me thinking though. I mean we are trying to woo/impress/court/brownnose/whatever you want to call it with a fire department that we are trying to contract with and we get them doughnuts? Really? Are we hoping that they will slip into a sugar coma and we can then sign the contracts using their lifeless hands? Like I said before, I've got a long way to go, but damn it's amazing to see how far I've come in just 8 days. I'm going to go shopping and buy a cute bowl or basket or something and fill it with healthy alternatives...oranges, apples, pears, etc. I'm also going to try and get some inspiring quotes framed to have on my desk. For now, actually probably forever, my mantra will be: "One choice at a time".

P.s...in 8 days I haven't had a single cheat or slip up...I am a warrior!

this sucks!

Today is a rough day...I mean it's actually been rough the whole time, but today my brain is on overdrive thinking about naughty things. I want chocolate chip cookies and chocolate/peanut butter ice cream from Baskin Robbins. 2 scoops actually, in a waffle cone. :( For a very long time I have derived pleasure from food. Now that it's now longer about "what sounds good to eat", I kinda feel miserable. I mean I used to think about what I wanted to eat, and I would go and eat it...and I was happy. Now, I can't have what I want, I choose instead to eat what my body needs...and I kinda just want to cry. I just have to remind myself how miserable I was when I quit smoking. Time slowed down and the first couple of months dragged on and on...the days took forever to pass. Thats how it feels now. I know these feelings won't last forever, but I sure as hell wish I had a fast forward button today... :::sigh:::

But I'm still sticking to it...

CELEBRATE THE LITTLE VICTORIES/AUTOMATED ME

Things I have noticed so far in the first 48 hours of eating Paleo:

1. I feel lighter. I don't feel as gross/bloated/fatty fatty boombalatty.
2. I ran longer yesterday during workout before I started walking
3. My workout was gnarly last night and I totally expected to wake up hurting like a mother effer, but I feel fantastic.

Ok so upon the advice of a friend, and in an effort to remain in a positive mindset, I am going to celebrate every single little victory. Every time I consciously don't make a bad choice, I am going to pat myself on the back and purposefully smile a great big smile. One of our employees resigned effective today. He brought several boxes of warm Krispy Kreme doughnuts with him to his exit interview. Normally I would have had 3. I didn't have any...I did curse at him in my head, but I smiled politely and eeked out a "No Thank You". I turned down Krispy Kreme and all of their super sweet ooey gooey chewy warm melty yumminess. That,  my friends, is a victory in and of itself. Then the phone rang...turns out my daughter kinda sorta ditched her last period class and wasn't where she was supposed to be. That lit the fuse and mommy was pissed and on fire. My co worker's survival instincts kicked in and he immediately ran for the vending machine and deposited his 50 cents and out popped a pretty little blue and white package of 6 little Oreo turds of deliciousness. So much for me kicking him 100 bucks for supporting me on this Paleo thing. There was no way I was going to let his 50 cents destroy my chances at $4100. Again, I smiled and politely said "No Thank You". Then I told him he was a total and complete ass (he is genetically predisposed to this ailment, he is male). Instead, I reached in the fridge here in the office and pulled out my new definition of "sweets". I had an orange and a handful of strawberries. HA!!! TAKE THAT!!!

Shortly after, I had to head down the hallway to take care of some business in payroll. I got the answer to my question, turned in some necessary forms and immediately sunk my hand into the bowl on the counter filled with Kit Kat and Snickers bites. WHAT WAS I THINKING??? That's the thing, I wasn't. It was such a natural thing for me to do...like I was on autopilot. I'm not that girl anymore, not today. I'm in control of me...and it feels great!

"Garlic fries don't give a shit about your health" / Body Fat Percentage

hahahaha...The title cracks me up...more on that in a minute.

As you can see I have been absent for a couple of days. I decided to only blog on days I work because I want to spend my days off out and about, being active and having adventures. Plus, blogging at work keeps me focused on my goals and not on the jar of candy sitting on my coworkers desk. I told him I would pay him 100 bucks if he doesn't offer me sweets and crap and I win the challenge. Kinda sucks that I have to bribe people to support me, but whatever. So yeah, a couple of days off...and I failed miserably. I failed so miserably in fact that I think I ate worse than ever, including several trips to Baskin Robbins for chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Good god, the thought of it makes my mouth water. Even after all that, and after weighing in and getting all of my loveliness squeezed and calibrated with the little fat calipers, I still tried to convince my coach that I needed garlic fries at the Dodger game last night. I mean what's a Dodger game without a Dodger Dog and garlic fries? His response: "Do you deserve them?" No, of course not, I have been a miserable failure all weekend, but I kinda do because, well I mean they're garlic fries and I love them. Then coach told me "Garlic fries don't give a shit about your health" (this made  me want to roll around on the floor laughing) and some other stuff that I didn't really hear because I was still laughing inside my brain about the garlic fries until I heard something about being a "rad mom" and that got me focusing again. I want to be a rad mom (I'm totally on the verge of radness already). I want to break the cycle. I want to teach my daughter now, at 13, how she should eat for the rest of her life. If I can save her from this lifelong battle then I'll do it all day every day....It's not just me that I'm doing this for...It's also for my mom, my, daughter, for my boyfriend, for the money, it's because I can't remember what it feels like to wear a bathing suit. Because I want to shop at forever 21 and embarrass the crap out of my daughter by wearing stuff that is too young for my age. I want to look fantastic on my wedding day (when he finally asks...I already know dammit!!!) and have a couple more healthy babies...this is just the beginning. 89.5 days left....

Oh and here's my magic number...my body fat percentage. I'm not going to blabber on and on about it and analyze and make excuses...it is what it is....but not for loooooooooong!!!

39.3%

Ch-Ch-Choices

Ok so I'm not going to lie...last night was kind of a killjoy. I went to work out and by the time I was done with my WOD at Team Crossfit Academy, I was on the verge of tears. At the beginning of class we heard more about the Paleo Challenge, and that 41 women are now signed up. Immediately the self doubt started to creep in and I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into. My entire workout, this is what I was thinking: These women that I will be competing against in this weight loss challenge are BAD ASSES, ATHLETES and COMPETITORS. They are runners and weight lifters. They do pull ups unassisted and push ups from the toes. I get winded running to the corner, I use 2 assist bands for pull ups and can barely eek out 5 push ups from my knees. Don't even get me started on the lame 4 inch box that I am scared to jump on. I am, for the most part, always in last place. So maybe I shouldn't even bother...I mean there is SO MUCH work to be done, I have such a long road ahead of me. Do you understand now why I was on the verge of tears while I was trying to keep up during work out?

So I have a choice to make...every day, every minute actually we all have choices to make. I can listen to the voice in my head saying that it's too much work, that I'm not going to win, and go back to eating cheeseburgers and chocolate peanut butter ice cream from Baskin Robbins because it's "safe', it's comfortable and it's what I know. Or, I can take a moment to breathe, acknowledge that negative little voice inside my head, and change it's mind. Of course it's going to be a long road, nothing that's worth it is ever easy. Yes, there's a lot of work to be done...I've led a sedentary lifestyle for 33 years and ate anything and everything I wanted to for the same amount of time...but the work is not going to do itself. I mean wake up every morning and look in the mirror and I'm not getting any skinnier...the fat fairy isn't going to come tonight and take away 3 extra chins and the extra loveliness from my inner thighs and belly. It's not going to happen. There is no one single choice I can make that will magically transform my body into what I want it to be. It has to be one choice at a time. That's what got me to this point, one wrong choice after another...so I know for a fact that one right choice after another can lead me away from this place....

I will do this...

Last night's dinner:  Chipotle: salad, no rice, no beans, with fajita veggies, chicken, pico de gallo and a little corn.

Breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs, 1/2 of a small avocado, and a handful of olives.

Lunch: 1 zucchini, 1 yellow squash, the other 1/2 of the avocado.